Here’s a little quiz for you. Can you tell me the meanings of the following abbreviations -
CIO, EBF, SAHM and STTN?
If you answered - Cry It Out, Exclusively Breastfed, Stay-At-Home-Mom and Sleep Through The Night, then chances are you, too, have spent too much of your time perusing Facebook mommy groups. However, if you answered Chief Information Officer, European Banking Federation, the Society for Adolescent Health and Medicine and Standard Technical Training Notes, there still might be some hope for you.
Facebook mommy groups have become the front-lines of the ever so hostile “mommy wars.” Attachment parenting vs. free range parenting, breastfeeding vs. formula, cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers . . . sleep training, helicopter parenting, mommy shaming. If you’re looking for some crazy judgemental shit covered in a thick layer of nasty guilt, look no further. There’s even a special name for the mother who, “has very opinionated views on child rearing and presents them upfront without any sense of humility,” — the dreaded Sanctimommy. She rears her ugly head often in these groups, laying her holier-than-thou comments on thick whenever a mom asks a question as simple as a recommendation for a diaper rash cream. The Sactimommy is often of the crunchy mom variety and doesn’t seem to have a life outside of her children. Diaper rash cream? It better be all natural, locally sourced, grass-fed, artisanal, organic diaper rash cream. Nothing but the best for Sanctimommy’s sweet baby’s bottom. Anything else will surely cause baby’s butt to explode. In fact, Sanctimommy spent hours making her own homemade diaper rash cream out of goat’s milk, coconut oil and unicorn tears. Really, it’s no sacrifice at all when it’s for the good of her precious child. And if you truly love your child, you'll do the same or risk being a shitty mom!
I find that many of these Facebook mommy groups have a dark and toxic side to them. I currently belong to six different mom groups and have come to the conclusion that it’s five too many. Arguments that erupt in the more active groups can become quite contentious and usually involve sleep training or formula. They often end up with one or more members of the group leaving voluntarily or being banned by group administers. Yes, these groups have one or more administers, who more often than not play the role of referee or babysitter.
After a few too many of these contentious arguments on the popular Minneapolis Mamas group, a splinter group called the “Cussin’ and Drinking Mamas’ Social Club of Minnesota” was formed. This by far has been the most enjoyable Facebook mom group I've been a party to. The description of the group says it all —
I'm starting this to create a community and plan activities to gather like-minded Minnesotans for fun and laughter. While drinking and cussing is not required...it is heavily encouraged. Requirements for joining...progressive politics, great sense of humor, and a desire to meet new friends. Plans to include post-workout happy hours, non-workout happy hours, picnics and bbq gatherings. Also hoping to create an irreverent - not judgmental place to bitch about your kids! Please do not look at this through PC lens. We are off the clock and having fun. Try to play along or ignore, if you can, comments that rub you the wrong way. I reserve the privilege to delete any streams that are rolling down shit hill.
And another new rule-If someone posts something looking to commiserate- don't be a dick and make them wrong. If you can't commiserate- just be classy and don't comment at all. Cool! Thanks!
Thus far, this group has lived up to the description and has become a safe place to let off steam about the stupid shit parenthood and life throws at you. Since joining this group, I spend much less time watching the shit slinging that takes place in the other groups and a lot more time commiserating and offering words of encouragement to other moms who are having a shitty day. This is refreshing, as is the lack of judgement and the freedom to be crude, crass and fucking irreverent. I love not having to use my usual disclaimer — “I love my child, but . . . “
The group does spend some of time poking fun at the Sanctimommies we run into in other groups. Personally, unless you’re feeding your child a plate full of arsenic with a side of asbestos, I could really careless what you’re doing as a parent. But that doesn’t mean I won’t laugh at your post about finding a dentist who practices “natural dentistry” or a post about your search for organic sand for your sandbox. It doesn’t mean I won’t be baffled by the fact that it has been two-and-a-half years since you’ve gone out by yourself for an evening, because you have to nurse your child to sleep every night and you can’t trust your husband to get the kid to bed. I may even question why you’re asking a group of online strangers for medical advice regarding your child’s mystery rash, or legal advice regarding the custody of your daughter. There’s a really good reason there are paid professional doctors and lawyers out there. I understand that there are a lot of different parenting styles, but wow, some of these groups really bring out the stupid in people. I honestly wouldn’t be that surprised to see a mom ask advice for what to do about her child not breathing. And if I have to look at one more photograph of some kid’s nasty skin rash . . . PLEASE, JUST BRING YOUR KID TO A DOCTOR ALREADY!
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A post looking for organic - yes organic - donated breast milk. Does this mean the mother donating the milk has to be grass-fed? |
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My Photoshopped response to the idea of organic breast milk. |
